Nightmares Made of Fairytales
by D R O W N-I N-S E Q U I N S
Summary: Leah Clearwater's dreams have always been made of fairytales.


**I just love Leah, she's perfectly angsty! I hope you all enjoy this and a special thanks to Kana who helped me immensely! Anyways, enjoy!**

I.

Leah Clearwater's dreams have always been made of fairytales.

II.

She had once been whole.

Complete. She had once been happy. She once had lived in her fairytales.

Back when Emily was her best friend. The girl that she ran to when she wanted to squeal over Sam's perfection or what romantic thing he'd done for her. When she needed to whine about Seth's gross habits or her dad's strict rules.

Back when Sam was her everything. The boy who ran with her across the beach barefoot because Leah liked the way the sand sounded under her feet. And when she emerged from her room after making him wait five minutes and his breath always caught in his throat and suddenly he didn't mind so much anymore.

Back when her daddy was alive and she was his little princess. Back when her mom's smile wasn't so tight and she laughed a little bit louder.

Back when she was Seth's protective bigger sister who always knew how to make him smile.

But that was a long time ago.

Emily wasn't her best friend anymore and Sam was still her everything. Only she wasn't _his_ anymore.

Yes that was a long time ago.

III.

She always knew Sam wasn't hers to keep.

He was so perfect and she was so her and there was no way that anything could ever be that wonderful. She knew but it didn't matter because she could push the nagging feelings aside when his arms were around her.

And suddenly he was gone and no longer hers.

She always knew Sam wasn't hers to keep.

But that didn't stop it from hurting like hell when she lost him.

IV.

Seth was always her number one.

Her little brother, her everything.

She used to kiss his bruises and band aid his wounds. She was the one that read him bedtime stories and tucked him in at night. She sang to him when he was sick and hugged him when he cried.

He needed her and that's all she ever wanted.

But then she broke and suddenly she was too bitter to protect him anymore and then he was the one helping her. He tucked her in at night and sang to her. He stroked her hair and promised her that it'd get better. He read her fairytales.

She needed him and she _hated_ herself for it.

V.

The first time she phased saved her life.

Only she hadn't wanted to be saved. She was broken and bitter and the cliff looked so pretty. Her dad had just died and Sam and Emily had shown up at the funeral _together_ and she had wanted to rip her eyeballs out. _It hurt it hurt it hurt_ and nobody gave a damn and she just wanted it all to just stop, _oh please oh please oh please just _stop. She was out for a walk and she knew exactly where it'd end because there was no such thing as a Happily Ever After and she was sick and damn tired of waiting for it all to just end so she was taking matters into her own hands because she was just _that_ kind of girl.

The cliff wasn't one of the ones that they used for diving. Because the rocks underneath were sharp and deadly and _oh so pretty_. And she hoped that it fucking hurt because she didn't want to spend the last moments of her existence focused on the ache on the inside of her whole body. She wanted to finally feel it on the outside.

She took a running start and dived into the water and she giggled, she fucking _giggled_ because the air was so nice and she was so free and she _finally finally finally_ found a way to escape it all. To escape _him_. Only when her body hit the rocks instead of breaking and crumpling and shattering like her heart had done so many times, it shook and exploded and suddenly she wasn't even a girl anymore and there was voices in her head. _His_ voice. And although it was always there it wasn't echoing the pretty words from all those years ago. They'd explain it all later, the voices the healing. But it's all just really ironic.

The one time she's saved is the only time she really wishes she wasn't, story of her fucking life.

VI.

She likes to replay her first time, _their_ first time, in her head while they're running.

She remembers how he promises her _forever_ and how he tells her _he'll never hurt her_. She remembers the moans and grunts and the sighs. She remembers the cotton sheets sliding across their bodies entwined as one.

Because he can't get _her_ out of his head and if Leah has to go through that she's sure as hell going to make sure that it fucking _hurts_.

And when Sam begs her to _please oh please stop_, she can't. Because it's the only way she has any control over anything anymore and she can't just give it up.

And she wants him to remember how _good_ it was before he _fucked_ it all up.

VII.

Sometimes she wishes it was her with the scars on her face instead of Emily.

The ones Sam left her are much uglier and they hurt so much more. At least if she had them at her face she'd have proof of how he destroyed her. Maybe then every time he looked at her he'd been consumed with the same ache that she's filled with and maybe that'd make Leah feel better.

Maybe then he'd be guilted back into loving her.

VIII.

Embry breaks her too.

She's starting to think it's one of the requirements for being in the pack, _you must break Leah_. He didn't try to, _none_ of them _tried_ to but that doesn't stop the ache. It's right before she switches over to Jacob's pack. He thinks he may_ really really really_ like her and she has to phase before she rips his throat out.

Because she's been down that road and she will not be left alone all over again when he finds his true love, his _soul mate_. Only of course she can't get him out of her head now and it's _haunting_ her. Everything haunts her. So she runs to Jacob's pack.

Because she will not be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

IX.

No good could come from liking Jacob Black.

It was obvious and honest and _Oh God_ no good could come from it. It was screaming for the whole Sam Situation all over again. But she was Leah and he was Jacob and he _understood_ how she felt and she needed that. So she let herself fall and then he had to go and fucking _imprint_ because apparently that was the thing to do to her these days.

She thinks she'll let Embry rip out her heart next.

X.

She really wishes that Seth didn't love her quite so much.

She watches as he winces every time she's so bitter. They all hear the flash of hate he has for Sam every time he sees her broken eyes. She really wishes that he didn't love her so much.

Loving a girl with so many jagged broken pieces only means you're bound to get cut.

XI.

She knows she's losing it when she starts sympathizing over _Rosalie_ of all people.

Leah wasn't raped and Rosalie didn't love him but they were both betrayed by the men that promised them _forever_. And they're both stuck with these useless bodies that are so _pretty_ but when has that ever gotten them anywhere? Only Rosalie has her man and Leah will eventually have her baby.

She wonders if they can trade.

XII.

She hears the whispers. She knows what they said. She's shallow. She's a bitch. She's selfish.

But that was okay with her. Because at least they didn't know the truth.

She's damaged. She's scared. She's _broken_.

The whispers were a lot better than the truth.

XIII.

She hates how bitter and broken she is.

Only she can't stop the fucking ache. It flows through her veins and it makes her struggle with every breath. She's too selfish and scared to make it stop because no matter how much it hurts she can count on it.

She can't seem to count on anything else these days.

XIV.

She remembers when forever was a good thing.

Now it's just a taunting. She's going to live forever with him in her head and it's going to hurt forever and she'll be stuck like _this_ forever.

Forever has turned into her nightmare.

XV.

Leah Clearwater had always loved fairytales.

Unfortunately for her, hers always turned into nightmares.


End file.
